


wishing i could hold you through it

by queenlevana



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gotta build the tension somehow, Inspired by the Little Mermaid, M/M, Only Reggie is dead, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27946001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenlevana/pseuds/queenlevana
Summary: Reggie's dead. He knows this. And yet something keeps bringing him back to the world of the living, and to a specific boy with messy brown hair and a lopsided grin that Reggie can't get out of his mind.
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie & Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 79
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Major character death warning because I describe Reggie's death with some detail.  
> Other content warnings include abuse mentions and cursing.

Reggie knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. If Caleb found out, he’d get locked in his room at the Hollywood Ghost Club for days, and it was a miserable place to be — always dark and damp and lifeless, like someone had sucked the soul out of it and left it to wither and decay. But today was Los Feliz High’s winter music showcase, and Reggie couldn’t miss it.

He didn’t exactly remember how he’d found the place. That day, about a year ago, had been a blur of Willie showing him around LA, teaching him how to navigate being a ghost and pointing out the best places to hide from Caleb. At some point the two had stumbled across the bright blue and red school and decided to explore it, running through the halls and passing through students with gleams in their eyes and wide grins.

And the talent. Oh man, if there was one thing Reggie could appreciate, it was music. A tune that could invade your mind and fill your soul and make you feel anything, even alive again. So when he saw the kid with the messy brown hair and lopsided grin and he heard the desperate notes coming from his guitar, Reggie was hooked.

He came back as often as he could, most of the time without even Willie knowing. He adored the skater like a brother, but Willie was too close to Caleb and Reggie couldn’t risk losing the one thing he clung to so desperately in his miserable afterlife. It was difficult, navigating his tight schedule of performances at the Hollywood Ghost Club to find the best times to sneak out, but Reggie made it work, just so he could keep coming back.

Just then, the principal’s voice burst out from the speakers, requesting all students be quiet for the show about to start. Reggie was ready, sitting in a hidden corner of the gym, the perfect spot to see the stage and also avoid students. He vibrated with excitement, unable to stop his bouncing legs as he wondered what order the performers would go on stage.

“First up, we have Julie Molina!”

Oh, this was gonna be amazing. Reggie always appreciated Julie’s lower register and her soulful lyrics. When she started singing, a slow but hopeful tune that warmed Reggie to the bone, his cheers were loudest, despite knowing nobody could hear him.

Then came Alex Wilson, the drummer. He was always anxious, the less confident of the two Wilson siblings. But in front of the drums Reggie could tell his world fell away, and it was just Alex and the rhythm, like how Reggie felt when he stood on stage with his bass. By the end of the performance, Alex’s face was bright red and he was dripping with sweat, but his pride was clearly visible, and it made Reggie smile.

And then Luke Patterson showed up. Reggie’s breath caught in his chest, as it always did upon seeing the boy, despite knowing Reggie didn’t need the air anyways. Luke, with the smooth, alluring voice Reggie could get lost in. Luke was a siren, calling Reggie to this strange world of the living he didn’t belong in anymore but could force his way into anyways, if Luke could only hear Reggie calling back.

Luke opened his mouth, the first few lines of his song rolling out, and everything else fell away, and in Reggie’s mind it was just the two of them, Luke’s voice pulling Reggie out of a fog and into the glaringly bright, beautiful lights of the stage, and—

Shit. _Shit_. Reggie was supposed to be at soundcheck fifteen minutes ago – Caleb was going to bring him back to life just to murder him. Reggie poofed to his room at the Hollywood Ghost Club and stumbled to his guitar case, pulling it out and checking the strings, deciding he was satisfied enough with the tuning despite it being slightly flat. He jerked out of his leather jacket and threw it onto the bed, replacing it with his freshly ironed red suit and throwing his guitar around his neck to complete the look.

“All ready?” a voice asked, and Reggie spun around, fear clawing in his chest. Caleb was waiting at the door, and Reggie had no idea how long it had been since he’d been standing there, but he knew from Caleb’s sharp smile and the cold, dark look in his eyes that he’d been lurking long enough to catch Reggie red-handed.

“Caleb. I’m so sorry,” Reggie whispered, shrinking back as the man approached him.

“Reginald. I thought we discussed this,” Caleb said in that deep, fatherly tone he only used when he was so livid, he faked sweetness. Reggie flinched, bracing himself. _He won’t break you open like dad. He won’t even touch you_ , he reminded himself, but the pain in his chest wasn’t going away. He gripped his bass, letting the strings cut into his palm.

“I...” Reggie couldn’t find the words to say that would excuse him from this, and he couldn’t lie, because Caleb would know.

“You’re only allowed out on non-performance days,” Caleb said. “Remember how we agreed on that? And you said yes, that was fine, because you like it here. Don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Then why do you never listen to me?”

Reggie tried swallowing, but his throat was dry, and it scratched at him. “It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” Caleb spun his nail file in his hand, thinking for a moment. “I’m canceling your performance for today. I think you need some time alone.”

“Okay.” And then Caleb finally left, and Reggie collapsed on the bed. He clung to his bass, taking shaky breaths and doing his best to calm down. He didn’t cry. He _wouldn’t_ cry, because that would be admitting defeat and Reggie was not going to give in to the voice in his head telling him that it was hopeless to believe in something. Believing had gotten him this far — it had made the pain easier when his dad hit him, and it had saved his little brother from the edge of death, and to hell if Reggie was going to give up faith now, when he’d been given a second chance for the first time.

Yeah, having an afterlife where you could do what you dreamed came at the price of losing your soul, figuratively and literally. But it was something Reggie hadn’t had when he was alive, so he would take it, for now, while he still could.

.

Reggie was back on the streets of LA. A thick fog hung low over the city, blocking out the streetlamps that hadn’t been told it was morning. He walked down the sidewalk, hands shoved into the pockets of his threadbare flannel and balled into fists to keep his fingers warm, and next to him was his little brother, skipping along happily as if clueless to the real world. God, Reggie wished he were that young again, and he didn’t have to worry about getting out of the house before his dad woke up and making sure he had enough money to buy breakfast at the McDonald’s across the street from school.

It sucked, but then Reggie reminded himself that today was the day. All he had to get through was school — he was going to flunk his chemistry test, but it was fine because chemistry was pointless anyways — and then he’d be at Persephone’s, the cool new coffee house that debuted rising artists and was about to feature a young bassist with what critics would say had a fun, risky new sound. It had taken months for Reggie to secure the gig, but he’d done it, and he could feel the excitement bubbling against his skin and hammering in his heart.

“Reggie, look! It’s a stray kitten!” his little brother yelled, and Reggie was jolted from his daydream, spinning around to find Mikey running towards a mangey cat that had been hiding under a parked car.

“Aww, you’re a cutie,” Reggie said, approaching the cat carefully, talking in a low voice to make it feel comfortable. The poor thing looked starving, and Reggie wished he had some food to give it. He did have his water bottle on him, though, so he poured some water out into his hand and brought it close. To his surprise, the cat came closer and licked it up. He carefully ran his hand across the cat’s head, scratching its ears, and the cat rubbed against him, purring gently. “You’re awfully friendly, aren’t ya?”

“Can we keep him, Reggie? He’s so cute!” Mikey exclaimed, giving Reggie his signature puppy eyes.

“You know we can’t bud,” Reggie responded, and it hurt him to see Mikey’s crushed face. They just couldn’t afford to feed a third mouth, though. “I’ll tell you what. We’ve got some time before school starts. Why don’t we take him to the shelter?”

“Okay! Can I pet the dogs there?”

“Yes, you can pet the dogs.”

Mikey grinned. He approached the cat carefully, and after letting it sniff his hand, he picked it up and hugged it gently, letting it get warm and comfortable. And then he turned and begun to cross the street, and that was when Reggie saw the car.

“Mikey!” Reggie sprinted, his heart racing. He shoved his brother out of the way at the last second, and saw him tumble to the ground, shocked and slightly bruised but alright. And then there were blinding headlights in front of Reggie’s face, and then nothing.

.

Reggie didn’t know if it was minutes or hours or days later, but he felt himself being forced back into consciousness. He blinked his eyes open, trying to focus against the glare of the blinding sun, and struggled to recall what had happened, but his mind was drawing blanks. There was no pain, just a strange numbness, like someone had hollowed him out and stuffed cotton inside in lieu of his heart.

“Hey, you okay?” a voice called, and Reggie tried to focus on its source. There was a boy looking down at him, shaking him gently. He had long, tangled brown curls and visible concern on his face, his eyes wide.

“Yeah, I—” Reggie couldn’t finish the sentence. His tongue felt swollen, and the words sounded wrong, like he was trying to communicate underwater. “What…where am I?”

“I moved you to a bench. You kind of, um…”

Everything came flooding back at once. The morning fog. The gig he was scheduled to perform. The cat, the car…shit, _Mikey_. Reggie forced himself to sit up, ignoring the sudden dizziness in his head. “My brother. Is he okay? I need to check on him.”

“He’s not the one you should be worried about.”

Reggie glanced at the boy, confused. “What do you mean?”

“If you’re talking about the kid with the messy blonde hair, he’s fine. You, on the other hand? You’re dead.”

“What?” Reggie wasn’t sure if he heard the kid right. He was still here, right? Sitting on this bench on the sidewalk and awake and conscious and talking to another human being. “That’s not very funny.”

The kid looked at him with pity, and it was unbearable. Reggie had seen that look thrown at him a million times, when he lied and said he’d forgotten his homework at his house or when someone saw the bruises littering his arms. It was a look Reggie knew all too well, one that said, _this poor kid doesn’t know what he’s dealing with_.

Reggie forced his mind to push beyond the jumbled memories in his head and focus on what was real. That would help. The sun was shining, bright and warm, and there was a gentle breeze in the air that tingled Reggie’s skin, and the ground underneath him was solid concrete, and…

And his heart wasn’t beating.

The sudden realization sent Reggie’s mind back into dizzying confusion. That couldn’t be right, could it? But he scrambled to place his hand against his wrist, and then his neck, and then his chest, pushing hard as if it would change something. It didn’t.

No, this wasn’t happening. This was some kind of weird, sick joke, morbidly strange but still fake. The car hadn’t really been there, and neither had the cat, and all of it was imagined, because it _had_ to be.

“Hey, it’s alright. You’ll be fine,” the boy said, placing a gentle hand on Reggie’s shoulder, but Reggie wasn’t there anymore. He pulled his legs to his chest, shutting his eyes tight and trying to ignore the hollowness in his chest and the screaming in his head.

.

“Reggie. Reggie, wake up!” the same voice yelled, and for a second Reggie was still back in that moment, curled up into a ball. But no, he could make out his room in the Hollywood Ghost Club and realized he’d fallen asleep in the suit he’d never taken off.

“Willie? How are you in here?” Reggie looked up into the familiar face, his concern mirroring that of the day he’d found Reggie so long ago.

“I snuck in after the performance. You know how it is,” Willie said, sitting down on the bed. “Are you okay? You were shaking.”

“Yeah, I just…” Reggie trailed off, pulling the suit jacket off him to try and stop the feeling of claustrophobia. “I was having the same dream.”

It had been over a year now, and yet Reggie’s mind could never stop replaying the day he died over and over. He wondered if he’d ever get used to it.

Willie reached over and grabbed Reggie’s hand, stroking his palm with his thumb. Reggie was comforted by the solid touch, grounding him a little bit. He honestly didn’t know what he’d have done without Willie in the past year.

“So, where were you off to this morning?” Willie asked, diverting the conversation so Reggie wouldn’t have to relive the moment.

Reggie fidgeted with his necklace. “Oh, you know, the school. There was an assembly on, and I just wanted to listen to the music.”

Willie grinned, picking up on something Reggie must’ve missed. “The music. Right.”

“I’m serious! It was awesome. One kid played this killer solo on the drums, and another one…he was shredding the guitar, and it was sick.”

“The other one. Luke, right?”

Reggie jerked his head to look at Willie. “Wh-What? No. Maybe? How did you know?”

“C’mon. You’re my baby brother. I know why you go out when you’re not supposed to.”

“I just…” Reggie wasn’t sure how to explain how he felt. It was so stupid and embarrassing, and definitely something Reggie’s friends would’ve made fun of him for if he were alive. “His voice, you know? I’ve never felt that way about anyone singing, like, _ever_.”

“I know what you mean.” Willie glanced down at the bracelet on his left wrist, and Reggie wondered for the millionth time what the ghost’s life had been like. He’d been dead so long it seemed like he’d moved on completely, and yet in moments like these, he became almost as vulnerable as Reggie. “You know, my first crush barely even noticed me. I think he thought I was some creep in the grade below his who’d linger around him ‘cause I liked skateboarding and he did too.”

“I just wish…I don’t know.” Reggie ran his fingers through his hair. “I should be happy. I finally get to perform here.”

“Hey. Even if things were perfect, which they’re not, it doesn’t mean you have to accept that.” Willie stood up. “I’ll tell you what. Is there another performance soon?”

“Yeah. They usually put another one on for the parents at night. I think it’s tomorrow.”

“Okay, me and you are going.” Willie winked. “Don’t worry, I won’t let Caleb get on your ass about it.”

“Really?” Reggie practically vibrated with excitement. He’d felt bad that he had to leave in the middle today.

“Promise. I gotta go wrap things up now. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah,” Reggie nodded, and he meant it. Willie left, and Reggie got up, carefully putting away his suit and his bass and pushing the window open. He sat on the ledge and gazed out at the city lights and the stars beyond, glittering ever so gently. He’d always believed that maybe there was a place in this world for him, out there beyond the walls of the club, and suddenly that belief had become something more, something that was maybe real, and Reggie couldn’t wait to find it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on tumblr @reggiesjams.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some songs to listen to during this chapter:  
> Song for a Friend by Jason Mraz  
> Brand New Day by Kodaline
> 
> Content warnings for this chapter are abuse mentions and cursing.

Reggie remembered vividly when he’d first met Caleb. It was three weeks after he died, and he’d somewhat managed to get over the shock of being a ghost. He was sitting on the LA beach pier, despite the chill in the air as winter approached. Swinging his legs back and forth, he thought about where to go from here. He couldn’t go be a musician, because nobody would be able to see him, and he couldn’t go back home — he’d tried that for two days before it became unbearable to watch the screaming and fighting without being able to do anything about it.

Maybe he could ask Willie where he stayed? He knew the boy had some place to call home, but Willie never offered to show Reggie where it was, and Reggie didn’t want to intrude. He figured Willie had more than enough to handle without dealing with a newly dead kid.

Ugh. Reggie had too much energy bottled up and sitting around wondering about his future wasn’t helping. He got up and stretched before deciding to take a stroll down the mostly empty boardwalk. He watched the end-of-season tourists milling around, the shop-owners preparing to close until next year, and the seagulls pecking at the litter on the ground, and he was so caught up in the world moving on around him that he didn’t pay attention to the man approaching him until they slammed into each other.

“Woah! Hey, sorry I…” Reggie trailed off, spinning around to face the man who had stopped in his tracks. He was strangely handsome, looking like a god or a model off the cover of some magazine his mom would buy with spare change, and he was dressed like it too, with a lavish, midnight coat decorated with expensive gems that glimmered in the sunlight. Reggie thought it was a bit much for a beach day.

The man tipped his hat at Reggie. “Caleb Covington. You must be new around here.”

Reggie fiddled with the sleeve of his flannel. “You could say that.”

“Do you have a place to stay? It’s not ideal for a young ghost such as yourself to be wandering about.”

Reggie shook his head. In his mind, he was thinking about how his parents stressed the importance of stranger danger, but Reggie felt comfortable talking to him. Maybe it was his charming personality, or his warm, easy smile, but Reggie wanted to see what the guy had to offer. Caleb motioned for Reggie to follow him before heading off, and Reggie chased after, picking up his pace to match Caleb’s large strides.

“I heard you met William,” Caleb commented, and Reggie turned to him in surprise.

“Yeah, I did. We hang out sometimes. You know him?”

“Of course. William’s like a son to me. He stays with me, you know, and you could too. I have a little club in the corner of Hollywood, and I’m looking for a skilled bassist.”

The words shocked Reggie so much that the question of _how does Caleb know?_ disappeared from his mind. Reggie could maybe play music again, and maybe sing too, and that was all he’d ever really wanted.

Caleb must’ve seen the far-away look on Reggie’s face, and he laughed. “Would you like to come check it out?”

“Yes, please! If…if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is, Reginald.”

.

The sounds of tuning instruments on the stage of the Los Feliz High School auditorium shook Reggie back to the present. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get rid of the thoughts racing through his head.

“Hey man, you good?” Willie asked.

“Yeah. I just…I just need a moment. I’ll be right back.” Reggie didn’t want to miss anything, but he needed to get his scrambled thoughts together, so he stepped out of the room, looking for a place to breathe. It was crowded out here too, Reggie choking against the flood of people, and so he pushed his way into the hallway, slipping through the first door he could find that wasn’t locked.

It was a bathroom, and it was blessedly empty, so Reggie went up to the sink and splashed some water on his face. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, looking hard at his blue-green eyes and pale, ghostly skin. Could other people see his reflection, even if they couldn’t see him? Reggie had never considered that before. He wondered what someone else would think if they saw him peering back at them.

He started humming, something he found himself doing a lot to calm down. The song was something he’d sing to his little brother sometimes, when he was in a bad mood or his parents were yelling a bit too loud. The emptiness of the bathroom allowed for the tune to echo, becoming amplified by the tile, and it sounded almost ethereal, so Reggie switched to singing the words.

“You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak  
But keep your tongue up in your cheek  
And if you stumble on to something better  
Remember that it's humble that you seek.”

Reggie was so lost in the moment that he didn’t notice the bathroom door creek open until someone cleared their throat. Reggie stopped abruptly, scrambling to hide himself in the corner behind one of the sinks until he realized nobody could see him.

“Someone in there?” a familiar voice called, and Reggie panicked. What if he was wrong, and someone _had_ seen him?

“I won’t come in, I promise,” the voice added.

“Sorry, yeah, I’m in here,” Reggie said, testing the words. He held his breath while waiting for a response. 

“No need to apologize.” And then Reggie realized why the voice was familiar. It was Luke Patterson, and Reggie could see the reflection of his scruffy hair in one of the mirrors. Reggie’s mind was in a million places at once, because Luke could see him.

But no, he couldn’t, because Luke would’ve been able to make him out easily from that angle. Instead, he was peering at the stalls, and Reggie figured Luke thought the kid was hiding in one of them.

“You sounded amazing,” Luke called, and Reggie felt his face heat up.

“Th-thanks.”

“You go to Los Feliz?”

“No.”

“You could, with that talent. Applications for the next semester are open, you know.”

“Oh. Cool.”

There was silence after that, both boys unsure of what else to say. Reggie thought maybe he should mention that Luke was just as good as him, if not better, but then Luke would want to know who he was, and that would be a complicated conversation.

“I get nervous too, sometimes. I’m supposed to be backstage right now, but my friend was getting too jittery and I just needed some space,” Luke said, ending with a chuckle as if he could brush it off. That surprised Reggie. Luke was always so confident on stage, looking like he’d performed a million times before and knew the words by heart. He always got so lost in the music that Reggie had never bothered to wonder if it was a façade.

“How do you do it?” Reggie asked. “I mean, how do you put the nerves aside?”

“Oh, I don’t. My friends always say I’m shit at working through my feelings,” Luke joked. “But I guess those butterflies in your stomach just make it more fun, you know? When you know you’re doing something incredibly risky, but you do it anyways just for the heck of it? That’s when you know you’re doing it right.”

“I know what you mean.” Reggie recalled his very first performance, when he felt like he’d been injected with caffeine and then shoved on stage. The stares and the lights and the palpable tension in the air had been a lot to handle, and Reggie almost ran off. But he didn’t, and yeah, his hand slipped a little during one of the refrains, but he’d still been proud of himself after.

“The song I have planned, it’s not what I wanted to sing.” Luke fidgeted with one of the rings on his fingers, spinning it round. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I’m sure it’s not something you wanna hear.”

“No, I do,” Reggie rushed to say. He was intrigued by the sudden comment.

“I’d been writing something for a while now that I wanted to perform tonight. But my parents…well, they’re not so supportive of the whole music thing. They said I needed to focus on my other classes too, so I went for a cover of some Harry Styles song instead. I don’t really like it all that much.”

“Someone once told me that taking risks was the right thing to do,” Reggie said. “Maybe you should go with the song you planned originally.”

“Really? Who told you that?” Luke responded, and Reggie laughed, a lighthearted noise he hadn’t heard come from his own mouth in a while.

“I dunno. Some dude who stalked me into a bathroom,” Reggie snarked, and Luke grinned.

“You really think I should?”

“Definitely. But I mean, my opinion doesn’t matter. Yours does.”

“Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Just then, a voice blared out from the loudspeakers. “Luke Patterson, please report backstage.”

“Oops. That’s me,” Luke muttered. “I gotta go.”

“Good luck!” Reggie called, and then Luke was gone. Reggie poofed back to his spot in the audience next to Willie, trying not to overthink the conversation that had just played out, and Luke’s nervous but hopeful grin, and his deep voice, and…god, Reggie was hopeless.

Willie smiled at Reggie, and then turned to the stage, and Reggie focused on the students. They went on in the same order as before, and just as last time, Reggie was engrossed in the performances. But when it was Luke’s turn, he didn’t show, Flynn Babineaux coming on in his place, and Reggie started feeling nervous. What if his advice was terrible, and Luke decided to make a run for it? He tried to focus on the performers, but the panic was spreading through him like ice rolling down his skin.

The last scheduled performer came on, and it wasn’t Luke, and Reggie’s leg was bouncing up and down hard, as if the motion could somehow calm him down. This was it. Luke hadn’t showed, and Reggie had fucked up. He was never giving anyone advice ever again in his entire afterlife—

“Sorry about the change in schedule, everyone. Our final performer tonight will be Luke Patterson.” The kid walked onto stage, and Reggie finally felt like he could breathe again.

Luke cleared his throat and stepped up to the mic, and a piano track started playing. But Luke missed his entrance by a mile, hands in position but hovering over the strings. He turned to someone backstage and gestured for them to cut the track out, and it stopped. For a moment, he gazed out into the crowd, his eyes searching for something, and Reggie wondered if it was him he was seeking out. But after a moment he gave up, and instead took a deep breath and begun a song Reggie had never heard before, strumming along with his guitar.

“Well it's your hometown  
I think I've outgrown  
I wanna travel the world but I, I just can't do it alone  
So I'm just waiting on fate to come.  
Wrap around me  
Think about all the foreign places we could be.”

It was the song Luke had written. It had to be, because it was just like him, desperate but hopeful and a little bit brave, and the guitar part was experimental, as if he were making it up on the fly, but it worked with his rough timbre. 

Reggie didn’t know if the whole audience was holding his breath like he was, or if he was just so focused on the moment that everything else had fallen away. He let Luke’s voice fill his mind.

“I'll be flicking stones at your window  
I'll be waiting outside 'til you're ready to go  
Won't you come down? Come away with me  
Just think of all the places we could be  
I'll be waiting, waiting on a brand new day.”

Reggie really was stupid, because in his head he was wishing that was him, and he was just a normal, living kid whose crush was waiting up for him, and they’d sneak out through Reggie’s back window and run through his parents’ garden in the dark, holding hands and giggling together.

The song ended, and Reggie was so shocked that Willie had to drag him to his feet so he could applaud. He watched Luke’s face and his distant gaze, before he blinked and took in the crowd that he’d forgotten was there. He smiled and bowed, one leg swinging giddily, before turning and heading offstage.

.

Willie and Reggie were back at the Hollywood Ghost Club, walking through the hallways, and Willie wouldn’t stop harassing Reggie about what had happened until Reggie spilled about his conversation with Luke in the bathroom.

“Seriously? He heard you? I’ve never known that could happen before,” Willie said in shock.

“Me neither. And he definitely couldn’t see me. I just still can’t believe he went with his own song.”

“I’m glad he did. It sounded incredible. I wonder if—” Willie cut himself off short as they turned the corner, because standing in front of them was Caleb.

“I take it you boys had a nice night?” Caleb asked, and Reggie nodded, unable to say anything else. It seemed Willie was at a loss for words, too.

“William, go to your room,” Caleb instructed, and Willie looked like he was going to argue, but Reggie rubbed a finger against Willie’s arm, a signal between them that he’d be okay. He wasn’t about to let Willie take the fall for tonight.

And so the brown haired boy left, and it was just Caleb and Reggie. Caleb walked off, expecting Reggie to follow, and it struck the boy that it was the same motion he’d used a hundred times before, a sign of casual indifference.

“You seem awfully intent on finding ways to leave,” Caleb commented, and Reggie knew it was a jab meant for him, but he refused to show it. He wouldn’t let Caleb dig under his skin.

“I’d rather be anywhere else than here,” Reggie blurted in response before he could stop himself. Even Caleb reacted in shock, stopping in his tracks and turning to face him. When the hell did Reggie learn to be so bold? He bit the inside of his cheek nervously.

“I’ve given you everything you asked me for,” Caleb spoke. “I don’t think this tone of yours is very appropriate.”

“Yeah. You know what’s not very appropriate? Keeping me hostage here.” Reggie knew he’d regret this in about an hour, but it felt good to get the thoughts off his chest.

“Reginald, sweetie. The world out there would crush you.” Caleb patted Reggie’s cheek, but his fingers were ice and his rings cut into Reggie’s flesh, and Reggie jerked away from the touch.

“You never even gave me a chance,” Reggie snapped, and he realized he was practically yelling, and that everyone down the hall would hear him, but he didn’t care.

Caleb looked at him, and something in his gaze shifted. He studied Reggie closely, and Reggie could feel real fear creeping through him. Because Caleb had that gleam in his eye like he had an idea, some new way he could use Reggie, and Reggie didn’t like it at all.

“Whatever you want, I’m not doing it,” Reggie said, crossing his arms to try and appear more confident.

“Oh, I wasn’t thinking of something for me. I was thinking about you, dear boy.” Caleb smiled thinly at him, his mouth looking like a slit someone had cut open. “You think you can find your own place in this world. Is that what it is?”

Reggie nodded.

“Then take it. I’ll give you one chance. One month. If you can convince me that you’re better off out there, at that silly high school of yours, then I’ll let you go. Our deal will be null and void.”

Reggie blinked. What? There had to be some sort of catch. Caleb was a double-edged sword, a snake that approached you carefully and sunk its fangs into you when you weren’t looking. But Reggie couldn’t stop imagining what one month away from Caleb could be like. 

“What…what if I come back?” Reggie asked hesitantly.

“Then you can’t ever ask to leave again.”

Was it a risk Reggie wanted to take? At least now he had something. It was small, and a little bit broken, but it was something. Giving up everything now was a bit too much. He felt nauseous and jittery and scared, but then again, maybe Luke had it right – maybe it meant Reggie was on the right path.

“I’ll do it.”

Caleb’s grin widened, teeth barred like a predator. He stuck out his hand, and before Reggie could think of reconsidering, he shook it.

“Oh, before I forget. There’s one more catch.” Caleb jerked Reggie close, his grip on the boy’s hand crushingly tight. “Your voice stays with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on tumblr @reggiesjams.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A song to listen to during this chapter:  
> Bright by Julie and the Phantoms
> 
> I also recommend checking out this video:  
> Charlie Gillespie Is Your Private Music Teacher | "Bright" by Julie & The Phantoms | Netflix: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zItOEeELMQ

Reggie woke up to his throat feeling like it had been set on fire.

He gasped, jerking upright and placing a hand against it, as if the pressure might stop the sharp pain. Taking deep breaths, he steadied himself, and eventually it faded to a strange tingle. Reggie sighed in relief, unsure of what had happened but thankful it was over. He hadn’t felt anything as excruciating as that since he’d died.

Just then, Willie came into his room, concern on his face. “You alright?”

Reggie opened his mouth to say yes, he was fine. No sound came out.

Frowning, he tried again, before the memories of last night came flooding back. Caleb’s snakelike expression, his death grip on Reggie’s hand, the deal they’d made…his voice. Shit, his voice was gone. Reggie was stupid for thinking anything would go smoothly with Caleb.

Reggie nodded, smiling at Willie to try and reassure the both of them. “Okay,” Willie said, looking a bit more relieved. “But you gotta get your things and head out. Caleb says since you’re visible to lifers now and have a physical body and all that, you can’t stay here.”

That was perfectly fine with Reggie, who didn’t want to spend another second in Caleb’s proximity. But where was he supposed to go? It wasn’t like he had the paperwork or money to buy a house.

As if reading his thoughts, Willie responded, “I know a place you can stay. It’s a bit run-down, since it was abandoned, but it’s somewhat warm and dry. I’ll get you through this.”

Reggie smiled at Willie, grateful for the help. He wished he could ask Willie to come with him, but Reggie knew things were different with him and Caleb. Somehow, he knew Willie had given up a long time ago. And yet he had the feeling that if he could do it, Willie could too – all he had to do was make it through the month.

.

The next morning, Reggie sat in the administrative office at Los Feliz High School, unable to stop fidgeting. He’d played with the stapler at the guidance counselor’s desk for a while, but she’d given him a look that said _break it and I’ll make you buy me a new one_ , so Reggie stopped. He worked at the button on his flannel cuff for a while, but a thread started popping out and Reggie didn’t want to break that either, so he settled for bouncing his leg aggressively.

The guidance counselor finally finished Reggie’s schedule and printed it out, handing it to the boy. “There you go. I’ll have a student come down in just a minute and show you around.”

Reggie opened his mouth to thank her, before recalling for the millionth time in just that morning that he couldn’t. God, that was only going to get more frustrating throughout the day. He scrambled for the whiteboard and markers Willie had gotten him, shoved in a backpack among other school supplies Reggie suspected the boy had lifted off an unsuspecting stranger. Uncapping one of the markers, he wrote a quick _thanks_ , and the guidance counselor hummed in response before turning back to her computer, signifying the end of her willingness to spend time with him.

Reggie grabbed his backpack and bass and left the office, waiting out in the hallway for a student to show. He glanced through the schedule, hoping for something interesting, and sure enough, the bottom half listed some music classes. They had a little asterisk next to them with a note that read, ‘Temporary: Student has one week to apply for program,’ but Reggie would deal with that when he got to it. Adjusting his stuff, he pulled out the phone Willie had also nabbed for him. It only had one contact – the skater himself – and two apps, but Reggie was strangely comforted by the familiar object. He felt like a normal kid going to a normal school.

Despite the far from ordinary circumstances, Reggie couldn’t help but feel excited knowing he was moments away from starting a normal life again. He was nervous about so many things — how he’d explain not needing to eat food at lunch, or where his parents were — but all of the fears were pushed aside. Reggie finally had a chance to live on his own terms.

A girl with familiar dark curls headed to the office, and Reggie realized it was Julie Molina, one of the people in Luke’s music class. Reggie was grateful for once that he couldn’t speak, because it prevented him from making a fool of himself by acting like he knew her already.

Julie finally reached Reggie and held out a hand. “Hi! I’m Julie. I’ll be showing you around the school. You’re the new kid, right?”

Reggie nodded, shaking her hand, and if Julie had any questions about him not speaking, she didn’t ask, which he was grateful for. It left him with more time to find a reasonable explanation for the situation.

“Let me take you to your locker first,” Julie suggested. “Can I see your schedule?” Reggie handed it to her, and she read it over. “Reginald Peters?”

Reggie wrote _you can call me reggie_ on his board and showed it to her.

“Reggie! Cool. Your locker’s this way.”

As they walked, Julie rambled on about the different classes the music department offered and the best shortcut to the science wing and what days he should order pizza in the cafeteria, and Reggie found it hard to pay attention to most of what she said, but he found her perky voice strangely comforting nonetheless. At his locker, they dropped off his bass, and then Julie quickly led Reggie through the school and pointed out where his classrooms were.

“It’s second period right now, which is Algebra, so you’ll be here.” Julie gestured to the door. “I’m taking Pre-calc, but my friend Alex is in this class. Tall, messy blonde hair, usually wearing his pink hoodie. You can’t miss him.”

Reggie nodded. He scrawled _thank you_ on his board and held it up to Julie, and she smiled. “No problem. I’ll see you at lunch!” She turned and headed off, and Reggie braced himself before entering the classroom.

The rest of the morning was a blur of Reggie introducing himself through messages written out on his whiteboard, struggling to keep up with lectures, and meeting about a hundred new people. There was Alex, the scruffy one Julie mentioned, who was extremely shy and way more anxious than what Reggie noticed on stage — he hadn’t said anything to Reggie even though they sat next to each other, only giving him a quick smile before focusing on his notes. Then came his twin sister Carrie, the polar opposite. In Chemistry, she was in the same lab group as him, and she rambled on as they worked, having a mostly one-sided conversation with Reggie where she talked about her girl group Dirty Candy and he nodded and smiled at what he hoped were the right moments. In fourth period he found Julie again, and Reggie was grateful for the company as the class was English and he had no idea what any of the words in _Romeo and Juliet_ meant.

Mostly, Reggie tried hiding his disappointment upon entering each class and not seeing Luke. He seriously needed a reality check – _he’s not the only reason you’re here, dork_ , he’d mouthed to himself in the bathroom before World History – and yet he couldn’t help but scan every face in every room, searching for Luke’s shining olive eyes.

Lunch flew by just as uneventfully. Julie’s friends were nice enough, but Reggie couldn’t keep up with the conversation, a combination of nerves and not knowing what to write out before they moved on. After a certain point he’d given up, messing around with some lyrics in the margins of his math notes and waiting impatiently for the bell to ring.

When it finally did, Reggie jumped up, quickly shoving his things in his bag and choosing to ignore a confused look from one of the girls – Flynn? He couldn’t remember. He waved a quick goodbye to everyone, and Julie called, “I’ll see you in music!” before Reggie disappeared down the hallway.

Reggie needed to grab his bass at his locker, so he tried to navigate his way back to where it was. Unfortunately, he must’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere, and now he was hopelessly lost. He stared at his schedule and the map underneath, trying to make sense of the frustrating lines and scribbles, but it was pointless. To make matters worse, there were no signs on the wall indicating what hallway he was in.

“You lost?” a voice from behind called, and Reggie spun around at the noise. It was Luke, of all people, a concerned look on his face.

It took Reggie way too long to realize he should respond, getting lost for a moment in Luke’s face, and longer still to remember that he needed his whiteboard to actually say something. He pointed to his mouth as an indicator that he couldn’t speak before swinging his backpack around and rummaging inside for his whiteboard and a marker.

“Hey, wait. I know ASL.” Luke moved his hands around in the air, trying to communicate, but Reggie must’ve looked even more lost than before, because he stopped halfway.

“Oh. My brother was born deaf, so I...sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Reggie frantically shook his head, trying to indicate that it was okay and forcing the heat rushing to his face to fade away. Why the hell did this have to be so awkward?

“So, anyways. You need help?” Luke repeated. Reggie handed his schedule over to Luke in response, pointing at his locker number first and then at the room number for his music class.

“Oh, I have Mrs. Harrison next too. Here, let’s go to your locker first and then I can take you there.”

Luke waited for Reggie to finally dig out his whiteboard and marker, and then the two headed down the hall together, Luke leading their way through the maze.

“I’m Luke, by the way,” he introduced, trying to break the ice. “You must be Reggie. Julie mentioned it’s your first day.”

Reggie nodded.

“How do you like it so far?” Luke asked.

 _it’s alright i guess_ , Reggie wrote, tilting the board to Luke.

Luke snorted. “No need to put such a positive spin on it. School sucks.”

They finally reached Reggie’s locker, and he was thankful for the distraction as he shoved his bag inside and pulled out his bass, swinging the case over his shoulder.

Luke didn’t say anything else after that, leading the two to the music room in silence, and Reggie rubbed his thumb against his case strap, wondering if he should try starting another conversation or if that would be too weird. He had so much he wanted to say sitting on the tip of his tongue — we met two days ago, do you remember? Or, I think you’re incredibly talented! — but all of those would probably scare Luke off.

They reached the music room and Reggie missed his opportunity, forced into another round of introducing himself. At least he was starting to pick up on familiar faces – Alex was in this period, and he was sitting in the corner together with Luke and Julie. Julie waved Reggie over, and he joined them, grateful that at least he wouldn’t be alone.

The four worked on analyzing some music for the rest of the period, and they all dove head-first into the assignment. For the first time that day, Reggie felt something click into place, the weirdness of his initial conversation with Luke fading to the back of his mind. There was no awkward filler or weird jokes to relieve the tension, only the four of them sharing their passion, and they all bounced their ideas around in perfect tandem.

“If you look at the chord, I think this embellishment is intentional,” Julie commented. “It makes the C a C7.”

“Oh shit, you’re right,” Luke said, erasing their previous answer.

 _it’s not repeated in the second A section, though_ , Reggie wrote.

“It is if you look at the previous chord. It ties over instead.” Alex pointed at the second page.

_didn’t notice that. cool!_

The time flew by so fast that the bell ringing surprised the four of them, jolting them from their thoughts as Mrs. Harrison came by to collect their papers.

“Wow, great job guys! You all got the most done,” she commented, and they all grinned at each other.

Reggie had a different class than the rest of them next, so he gathered up his things and waved goodbye, but Luke rushed to grab his hand before he could leave. Reggie ignored the shivers down his spine when they touched.

“Wait a second. We were all thinking…well, Julie, Alex and I get together after school sometimes to mess around in Julie’s studio. She’s got this cool setup from when her mom was in a band.” He scratched his neck awkwardly. “Would you maybe want to join us?”

Reggie raised his eyebrows in surprise. They wanted to hang out with _him_?

“I mean, if you’re busy or something, there’s no pressure,” he added.

 _no, i’d love to_ , Reggie rushed to write out. _thanks!_

Luke smiled brightly, his expression lighting up the whole room. “Okay! Meet us outside after school. We can all walk there together.” He turned and rushed to leave before he was late for his next class, and as Reggie waved after him, he saw a folded-up piece of paper slip from Luke’s bag. Reggie rushed to grab it and head after him, but the boy disappeared among the crowd, and Reggie couldn’t call out for him to wait.

Letting his curiosity getting the better of him, Reggie unfolded the sheet and glanced at it as he moved through the halls. It was another song Luke had written, almost illegible because of his messy scrawl and scratched out notes in pen. Reggie knew he was probably invading Luke’s privacy, so he shoved it in his pocket before he could peek at the rest of it.

But his next class was music history, and the teacher’s monotone voice and dull lecture were so boring Reggie couldn’t concentrate on a word he was saying, so Reggie sneakily pulled out the page again and spread it open. It was called _Bright_ , and it felt like a diary entry Reggie had stumbled into.

_Sometimes I think I'm falling down  
I wanna scream, I'm calling out  
For one more fight to feel alive  
And though I feel lost and alone  
I know that I can make it home  
I found the ground that I'm marching on_

It had the start of something great laid out, and Reggie couldn’t stop thinking about where it could go. Turning to the open notebook that was supposed to have lecture notes on it, he copied down Luke’s words instead and started editing them here and there, working on the flow and switching up a few of the chord progressions. The class period ended, and Reggie shoved the pages into his pockets, smiling awkwardly at his teacher’s compliments about him being so studious during class and rushing out to meet up with Julie, Alex, and Luke outside.

He ran into the four of them by the main entrance, and they all walked out together, chatting about their day. Julie and Alex dove into a conversation about a test they had coming up, and so Luke fell behind to walk next to Reggie.

Before Reggie could stop himself, he wrote _you dropped this_ on his whiteboard and handed it to Luke with his original copy of _Bright_.

Luke’s ears turned bright red. “You read it?” he asked carefully, and Reggie slowly nodded.

 _it’s amazing_ , Reggie scrambled to write. _you’re seriously talented_.

“Thanks. I try. There’re some rough parts I’ve been meaning to hash out, but nothing’s really working. I wonder if…”

He trailed off as Reggie scrambled to pull out his own copy of Bright, unfolding it and handing it over to Luke. He got so excited pointing out his changes he didn’t realize until too late that Luke would probably judge him for editing his own song without asking.

But to Reggie’s surprise, Luke’s face lit up. “This is perfect! Wait, we _gotta_ try this at Julie’s studio.” He rushed up to Julie and Alex and swung his arms around the two. “You guys need to check this out. Remember that other song I was working on? Well, turns out Reggie’s a secret genius who made it a million times better.”

Reggie blinked in shock. With Caleb, it was always, “Hmm, this could use a little work,” or, “You’re not trying hard enough, Reginald,” and so he was shocked, to say the least, seeing someone actually appreciate his edits.

“You _have_ to include a bass part,” Luke called. “I bet you’d totally kill it.”

Holding the updated _Bright_ against his whiteboard, Reggie and Luke took turns writing out a quick figured bass line, as well as a drum chart for Alex. They got to Julie’s house, and Reggie barely took a moment to take in the studio before rushing to the coffee table and setting their crumpled pieces of paper down on it. Julie pulled out a keyboard from the corner, and they all huddled together, Alex drumming on the table with his sticks and Luke and Reggie fiddling with their guitars.

“I think this line should go with the second verse instead,” Alex suggested.

“Maybe the piano should drop out here?” Julie piped in.

 _bring it back here_ , Reggie wrote, and everyone nodded.

“Wait, this first part should be muted a bit.” Luke wrote it in the margins.

 _and then open up for the pre-chorus and chorus_ , Reggie added.

“Reggie, what do you think of this guitar riff?” Reggie echoed Luke’s idea back with a slight change, and Luke nodded, writing it down.

“Okay, enough beating a dead horse. Let’s play it for real!” Julie moved the piano back to where a drum kit was stationed, and Reggie and Luke hooked up their guitars to amps.

Luke started singing, and it was amazing, everyone feeling the energy of the song, but something still wasn’t right. Reggie stopped, making a T with his hands, and everyone followed. He reached for his board and wrote, _still not right_.

“Well, what do you suggest?” Julie asked.

Reggie thought for a moment. _maybe a different harmony?_

“That’s a great idea,” Luke chimed in. “Julie, try going up high.”

They started over, and when Julie hit the high notes in the chorus, it clicked. He timed everyone out again.

 _julie you need to sing it, not luke_ , Reggie wrote. He felt bad, because Luke’s voice was amazing, but the rougher tone just wasn’t working with the song.

“Me? I don’t know. It _is_ Luke’s song…”

Everyone turned to Luke to hear his opinion, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to think of what to say. Eventually, he went with, “Why don’t we try it out?”

The minute Julie’s voice kicked in, Reggie knew it was perfect. He nudged his head at Luke, and Luke picked up on what he meant, going in for the harmony in the chorus in Julie’s stead. When they repeated the first verse, Reggie rushed to the piano, playing out Julie’s part as she sung with Luke.

They finished, everyone silent for a moment to catch their breaths. And then Luke whooped and high-fived Reggie, and Julie tacked Alex in a hug, and they took in a moment to revel in the fact that they’d just created something amazing together.

“Guys, wait. Hold on a minute,” Julie said, and everyone turned to look at her. “The pep rally’s on Friday, right? What if we signed up for it?”

“Aw man, the pep rally?” Luke asked. “There’s a million cooler places to play a first gig. Besides, I was gonna ditch that day.”

“Well, it’s the only event coming up,” Julie argued. “It’s better than nothing.”

“Hold on a minute. You mean as a band?” Alex asked incredulously. “I don’t know. I get anxious enough as it is playing on my own.”

“Alex, I will not stand here and watch you try and shy away from playing,” Julie said, her voice stern. “You helped me get back on my feet after my mom died. You are not going to do the same thing I did.”

“Alright, fine. But if I vomit on-stage, it’ll be your fault.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “You’ll be fine, Alex.”

Reggie grinned at their playful banter as he set his bass down. _you guys will kill it_ , he wrote on his board.

“Woah, ‘you guys’? You’re one of us now, dude,” Luke said, swinging an arm around Reggie and pulling him in a side hug. “Welcome to the band.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on tumblr @reggiesjams.


End file.
